another subway tale

Ok, I have seen some pretty rude things on the subway... people leaving their garbage, horking and spitting, bags on seats... too many 17 year olds blocking door... but today was the limit...

After several hours of sorting storage areas and closets, I came up with 9 bags of clothes I am going to donate to a women shelter. After completing this task I needed to run out and do some errands.. some of which required using the subway...

As I normally do I made my way to the West Bound subway platform... walk a bit and found a space to stand. One guy on the right, the other on the left...

I am reading one of the large signs in front of me when I suddenly hear a waterfall noise, I turn to see what it is and the man on my right, how I must advise was a drunk, has now started to pee. With a 'What the FUCK are you doing.' I moved away as fast as I could as I didn't want to get pissed on and doing so, the man to my right almost got wet. The man beside me was even more angry and started cursing the drunk. It didn't appear to do any good as he was completely oblivious to the fact that a 6'3' 200 pound man was yelling at him. When the train came he did up his fly and proceeded to board. I made sure I didn't get on the same car as him. I am afraid to know what he did on the train...

I will never be a size six

Ever notice when you go shopping that the only sizes that ever seem to be left on the rack during a sale or xs or size 6. Or that all the of the clothes are sized to fit women with no hips. Unless I accidently landed on the planet stick women... I am in trouble.

I think the last time I was a size six was when I was six. It wouldn't matter if I lost enough weight to make me skeletal... I will just never be a size six. I was born with useless child bearing hips and there is just no way to get rid of them and last time I checked... I have an ass. So why is it that designers still insist, even after sales prove that women need larger sizes, on useing size zero or size one as their base size. Can't they get it through their thick skulls that the average women today is a size 12... not a 6...

I have also come to the conclusion that designers also think that all women are 6'5" tall... every pair of cuffed pants I tried on were at least 6" too long... which is odd because I am almost 5'8" and about a year and a half ago, I couldn't find pants long enough... go figure, huh!

So unless I get in a time machine and go back to grade one... don't count on me being a size 6...

Merry *$#&$#)* Christmas to me...

Ho, ho, hooooooooo... what ever... have I mentioned I don't celebrate Christmas... partly because of religious beliefs and partly because it is a junk heap of greedy consumerism... me me ME! Not mention every Christmas growing up was miserable... drunken relatives and fighting siblings... not my cup of tea! So to celebrate... I watched Black Christmas... it is a grand piece of Canadian Horror and should be watched by all... may horror movie standards where set by this great piece of work... that was last night...

... guess what Santa left me Xmas Eve! A leaky roof... ya... so now I have to replace mine... roofs are expensive... nice gift just for me!!!

Then there was today... oh joyful today... I let my partner drag me to TWO malls... thank the Gods I'm not claustrophobic... I would be screwed... I also noticed today there is a vast difference in the teenagers that hang out at Eaton Centre and Yorkdale Mall... The ones at Eaton Centre really aren't there to hang out... they come, they shop, they leave... they also run in small packs of 3 or 5... Yorkdale is a different matter... they run in packs of 8 or more... stand in the way of everyone and are generally a huge nuisance... I almost knocked one or two over for fun... have I mentioned that 17 year olds annoy the hell out of me!!! At least in between mall stops we had All You Can Eat Indian at my favourite place... Little India... yummy!!!!!!

Some how we timed leaving the downtown area just in the nick of time, shortly after we left there was a shooting in a store we had been near by... when are the cops going to finally get the guns off the streets????????????????

Now I am off to make soap and other gifts... my parents have decided after a year and a half to stop in... for a couple of hours... you see my Uncle is going to be visiting them... they see his at least 3 times a year.. me... every year and a half... I only get a couple hours...

Glad this time only comes once a year!!!!!!!!

stupid useless parents...

Last night I went to see my step sons in their xmas concert... there were alot of people crammed into a tiny gym. A gym that had a ceiling full of formaldehyde... that alone was enough to give me a migraine...

I am finding more and more that I have zero tolerance for children.. there was a lady in front of us with a toddler... she was too busy chatting with her friend to pay any attention to the child... once in a while she would flip her hair and head over her shoulder and say.... Robbie... don't do that and then immediately go back to her chatting... I almost throttle the woman when her child rammed a chair into mine for the 15th time, but I think my look of a rabid wolf was enough for her to pick him up and put him on her lap... of course he squealed and complained the entire time...

Then there are the completely useless parents.. while we where at the Kensington Market Festival of Lights I over heard this conversation...

Trailer trash mother, "Where are you going?"
10 year old daughter, "We are going to throw snow balls at cars"
Trailer trash mother "No you aren't"
10 year old daughter,"Yes I am"
Trailer trash mother,No your not
10 year old daughter,YES I am, I know the rules, no throwing snow balls at cars that are moving or with open windows"
Trailer trash mother,*sigh* "OK"

So the 10 year old and her gang went off to throw snowballs... umm... isn't this consider vandalism... Her mother is useless, along with a huge portion of other parents I see! It actually makes me ill when I see how little these people really care about there kids. There should a test you have to take before you are allowed to have children... if you fail you have that privilege revoked... just like driving a car, you are taking peoples lives into your hands... makes sense doesn't it?

Then I see my friend Shan and her little guy Willy... she is an awesome Mother and he is a great kid... why can't all parents be like her!!!

Kensington Market Festival Of Lights

Last night was the The Festival of Lights in Kensington Market. Cindy, Viki and Emma joined me for the procession. It was a really amazing way to celebrate the Solstice. We wore masks (mine broke), and had our candle. Unfortunately they wouldn't stay lit so for next year we are making lanterns!!! It was a lot of fun, enjoy the pictures are here. We ended the evening with noodles at Pho Hung... Now the light returns!

nightmares...

am exhausted today... I had another fitful sleep filled with nightmare with creatures I cannot explain... sometimes it feels like I have popped into another dimension and am fighting a war I cannot win... at least 'The Rock' isn't trying to kill me in these nightmares...

... since seeing mon's super sexy black ipod... you know the one where you can download videos.. am super jealous and want one... of course before I can buy and ipod.. i need to buy a new laptop... a new ibook is going to get me for $1800 and I don't have that kind of cash right now...

Losing my mind...

Tis the week of not getting everything done, panic attacks and exhaustion... the count down to Christmas has begun. I still haven't gotten all the things I need for Xmas day... the rest of my partners gift, something for his Mom, stuff for his boys. I haven't baked anything yet... I always at least have cookies... cookies for my friends, for the cute older couple down the street, for us... but nothing has been done.. tonight is a write off, due to groceries and other chores, Wed we are going to the Festival of lights in Kensington Market. Thursday is the boys school concert... when am I going to get stuff done!!!!!!!!

Last night V and I went to our friend D's annual Xmas bash. I swear people are going to start thinking we are married. I always go with V and not my partner... of course V is a lot of fun and that is why I love going with her!!!!!!!!!! So there...

So, am off to panic some more...

fa la la la la.... la ... la.. la... laaaaaaaaaaaaa

hmmmm and me and my girls

when I first started blogging I wondered if anyone would read it... but did it matter... after a few weeks of blogging I realized I wasn't doing it for others, but soley for myself... I blog to get things off my chest and out of my head and it feel FAB!!!!!!

here is a portrait I did of me and my gals...

that poor creature

I watched the 1976 version of King Kong last night. This one had Jessica Lang and Jeff Bridges in it. Studios make these movies expecting us to cheer when the creatures are killed. Were are suppose to worry about the fate of the humans. Over these last few nights I have come to realize that unless aliens come to earth for the specific plan of killing the humans just for fun.. well.. we should actually be feeling sorry for the creatures. It's the humans that are evil, not these creatures. We are either ripping them from their homes or invading theirs and then killing them off. I was the one in the audience cheering on the Alien in all the Alien movies. Of course she is going to attack, she was protecting her children.. stupid humans!!! Then of course there are movies where Aliens come to earth to help us save ourselves like The Day the Earth Stood Still, but we are too stupid to listen and end of pissing them off. Or how about ET, this cute little Alien that accidently ends up on Earth and has to try to escape or become and experiment. And if you aren't suppose to get them wet or feed them after midnight... um... let the mayhem begin. Let's stop cheering on the humans people... the don't deserve it... the creatures do. So if you are the theatre watching the latest King Kong and hear someone in the audience cheering on Kong... that would be me!

50's Horror B Movies

I love anything to do with the period from 1945-1965. Everything seemed so uncomplicated then, the clothes are sexy, men actually made an effort to dress well and I love the cars!!! I also love movies from that period. Especially the horror movies.

The last two nights while trying to finish up xmas knitting, I have had the opportunity to watch Revenge of the Creature and Trantula on Scream. Try as hard as they may, the movie tries to make the creatures out to be bad and have us cheer when they are killed. In the case of the creature I didn't cheer. I felt bad for him. He was ripped out of his home to be put on display in a public aquqarium, then tortured and tormented. The scientists did cruel experiments on him to see what he was made up of. I felt sorry for the creature, caged and scared.

I was also hoping he would get his revenge. But it never came. Sure he kidnapped the lovely female scientist and dragged her around for a bit, but in the end he was killed in hail of bullets. Where was his revenge?

Tonight Scream is showing the original King Kong with Faye Ray and then the 1978 version with Jessica Lang. Another creature that suffered by the hands of evil humans.

is it just me...

once again today i listened to a man use an abusive tone with a woman...
i was at one end of the train, they were at the other...
we were packed in like sardines and there was nothing i could do...
i wanted to bolt to the other end and throttle the man spewing the abuse, but the train was filled with 17 year olds and their backpacks and ipods cranked to the the max...
why do i feel like i am the only one who voices out or asks the women if they are ok...
others stand looking at their feet while i strain my neck to make eye contact with the shrinking being...
then when i thought I could move through the crowd to ask her if she needed help...
they were gone...

the panic had begun

... have you ever had cramps and a sinus headache all at the same time.. no... it's not fun... trust me!!!

so the getting ready for yule panic has set in... I still have to make part two of the 3 parts gifts I am making... tomorrow night I am making that... today at lunch I am going to once again see if I can find the part 3.. if I can't I have to just give up... actually... I just did... every one is now getting more of the part two to make up for the part three... confused yet???

we need 4 day weekends...

I can't explain it, I really can't, but watching bewitched puts me in a happy place. I am not sure if it is how simple things seemed back then. What I would do right now for an uncomplicated existence. Or is it because Samantha is the perfect witch. No, wait, what it really is... is Samantha in a time where women were still expected to do as the man said a women was using her power to put 'the man' in his place and being quite clever and sneaky all the while... Not to mention Elizabeth Montgomery, a very extraordinary women and actress who was truly unappreciated!!!

Sat night, we had our pot luck... A, V, C and I. V's guy and my Guy joined in as well... yummy food, too much wine and alot of girly chat... plus V showed us a bunch of her photos... too funny!!!!!!!!!!!

am listening to classic xmas carols.... I think I am going mad!!!!!!!!!!!

slush and snow... YUCK!

remind me again why I live here... I HATE WINTER!!!!!!!!!


it's 16 days till xmas... or in my case 12 days till yule... I am making a bunch of my gifts (that is how xmas/yule should be, not all these consumeristic me, me, me's)... and am done making one part, but now need to make 2 other parts... yes I am being cryptic here as I don't want to give it away... one of the two parts left is easy... I have all things I need, I just have to make them... the 3rd is turning out to be a probably... a huge problem... I can't find the one think I need in order to make it... funny thing is... a month ago when I decided to do it, I could find them far and wide... what to do... what to do...

I thanks to goog... also know as V.... I have the skull illusion scarf pattern... am going to attempt to make it... V will get the first attempt at it... I am also going to try and make a lizzie scarf... will see how that goes...

another hellish morning on public transit

why do men think they can take up a seat and a half by splaying their legs as far open as they can... and why do students think that the seats are their own personal workspace... study at home or at school... I HATE PUBLIC TRANSIT... and I hate it worse when it is full of rude 17 year olds who thing the world is theirs... man I need more coffee...


I think I am allergic to my job... or at least the building I am in right now... as soon as I enter my cubicle my eyes feel like they are on fire, I continually sneeze and my nose hasn't stopped running... can I go on disablility because I am allergic to my job...

Sitting and knitting my xmas gifts has allowed me the luxury of watching tv... for the first time in several months I was able to watch 'This Is Wonderland' I had forgotten how much I LOVED this show.

Public Transit sucks... and all I want for xmas

First of it is too frigg'n cold, it is about a 10 minute walk from my front door to the subway station and I couldn't feel my face by the time I got there... not impressed... then I had to wait for 3 packed trains to go past before I could get on... oddly it was almost empty, but to my sargrine... for a reason.. there was a delay on the subway... we then continued to creep along... station...to station to... you get the point... I was once again late...

am still working through getting xmas gifts... I can't believe the crap they are trying to sell... last night we tried to find some hats for R's two boys... everything we saw was crappy, shoddy workmanship.. CRAP BEYOND CRAP!!!

Someone asked me what I wanted for Xmas... well what I need is a new laptop.. but.. that's a bit much to ask.. what is reasonable is the latest Nigella cookbook feast.. but if you wanted to be extravagant... I would LOVE the entire Buffy Series, or the entire Sex In the City series, how about every movie Alfred Hitchcock or Marilyn Monroe ever made... or all of the Twilight Zones... I would LOVE a black iPOD... but only if you are feeling generous...

If you have children... beware, Karla is a completely free woman - The Quebec government will not attempt to reinstate Karla Homolka's release restrictions through the Supreme Court.

The province said it wouldn't appeal the recent ruling that allows the convicted killer to live and work wherever she wants, and meet with anyone she chooses.

Homolka was released from prison in July after serving her full sentence in the manslaughter deaths of Ontario teens Kristen French and Leslie Mahaffy.

Half asleep and on the subway not a good combination....

... and that is exactly how my morning started... well actually it started with the zipper on my pants breaking and went downhill from there... somehow I managed to miss my stop this morning as well... my brain must have went into some void, because I swear the last stop I head being called out was Broadview, next thing I knew we were at Yonge... i think i was confused by the fact that I ended up having a seat half way into my morning journey to work...

today is also the anniversary of the massacre in montreal of 14 engineering students... light a candle in their memories and pray for an end to violence against women!
this is from cbc.ca

Ceremonies commemorate Dec. 6 attack on women
Last Updated Tue, 06 Dec 2005 07:11:56 EST

CBC News
Ceremonies are being held across Canada on Tuesday, the 16th anniversary of the Montreal massacre, a day of remembrance of violence against women.

CBC ARCHIVES: The Montreal Massacre

The day was established to commemorate the Dec. 6, 1989, shooting deaths of 14 young women at the École Polytechnique de Montréal.

All 14 women were killed because of their gender.

Tuesday in Montreal, there will be several ceremonies to mark the day, including one at the city's Place-du-6-décembre.

The day will also be observed in other locations across the country.

In the 1989 attack, gunman Marc Lepine stormed an engineering class at the École Polytechnique. It was the last day of term before the Christmas break.

Lepine, 25, proclaimed he was getting even because feminists had ruined his life.

where did my weekend go...

Let me tell you a bit about my weekend... As usual there was way too much to do. We were suppose to have a book meeting on Sat, but unfortunately most had to cancel.... which was fine, R and I had to go out and start Xmas shopping and this gave us the opportunity to start earlier. We ran around most of Sat. trying to to find the stuff on our list... we got 1 gift and other things that weren't on the list... it was stuff for the house though so that was good... we are desperately trying to make our house look amazing before xmas. We have been looking for some wrought iron candle holders to mount on the walls and was finally able to find them at Pier 1. I was quite shocked the R liked them as they were very gothic revival... my style... It was a bloody exhausting day...

yesterday.. disaster... we went grocery shopping...nothing we wanted was on the selves... not one single thing... we ended up leaving with stuff we didnt' go in for... stuff we will use, but not what we wanted... then we did some other stops for errands...still couldn't find anything we were looking for... then I made the mistake of going to the Canadian tire near me.... it is one of the worst.. Canadian Tires ever... but yet I keep going there... they never have anything in stock, the shelves are always a disaster, you can never find anyone to help you and when you do they are pissed off... just like all other department store...

was a very frustrating day... I was suppose to go home and write, but I couldn't I was exhausted.. so I sat in front on my tv and knitted and drank hot chocolate. drinking hot chocolate at 8 pm was a big mistake... I ended up tossing and turning all night...

I do have end this with a postive note thought... my good friend mon introduced me to a yahoo group called knitomatic... it is a Toronto group for avid knitters... you can find them when you go into yahoo groups and search the name knitomatic...

Oh what a dreary day...

Oh what a dreary day...

I actually like when it is dreary out... it matches my dark soul. However, what I don't like is having to trudge through the rain to come to work.. I would much rather be enjoying the overcast skies from the comfort of my home, front porch or a cafe. Sitting and writing all the while... Not from an office...with boring corporate people...

How lame my day will be!!!

I think my Sunday's have turned into Mondays!!!

I was having what seemed to be a really nice weekend! Sat I went to One of a Kind with some of the coolest chicks on the planet and made a new friend. I somehow managed to control my spending and didn't go broke at this show. I was finally able to get to Future Bakery and fullfil my mash potatoes and mushroom gravy craving!!! Sat evening I was finally able to spend some quality time with my honey, though things didn't end up working out as we had originally planned. Then came Sunday...

I was actually able to sleep in for a change... I am still not sure how that happened... but it did... After eating and such, I decided to go get groceries... all seemed to be going well... I was finding all the things I needed and then some... although the grocery store was crammed with people, for a change I didn't have tonnes of people shoving their carts into me or cutting me off... that all changed when I was packing my groceries and about to leave...

I am known far and wide for my ability to attact religous freaks and creepy little people. Sunday was no exception. As I was packing up my groceries a creepy, dirty little guy came up behind me and asked if I had ever tried the pizza's I had just purchased before. I said, "Sorry, no I havent'." I figured that would be the end of the conversation. He then started to talk to me and since I was concentrating on getting packed and get the hell out of the grocery store... I of course wasn't listening to him. He then rudely said "Excuse me I am talking to you." At which point I must have given him the stare of death because he retorted. "Excuse me, I thought you were nice, your not and you have a attitude problem. You have an attitude problem!" Then he walked away. So apparently I have an attitude problem!!! Ok then!

So then if the that wasnt' enough.. I waited 20 minutes for the bus. When you are loaded down with groceries.. 20 minutes is a very long time. When it finally came it was of course packed... so I stood for the 15 minute bus ride. After struggling to get off the bus, then down all the stairs and into the subway, I see the platform is crammed full of people. This was a bad sign. I put all my bags down to take a breather and in the meantime an announcement came on. And as with all TTC announcement... I couldn't understand a word that was being said. Someone who went up to the ticket booth found out that subway was completely shut down from Vic Park to Yonge with no idea of why or when it would start again and that shuttle buses where on the Danforth (that's a really bad sign). So I lugged the groceries back up the millions of stairs and took a cab!!!
By the time I got home I was fed up, exhausted and frustrated.. at least the cab driver wasn't annoying and smelly!!!

bleech and huh!!!

Guess what I had in my coffee again this morning... that's right... grounds... I may as well get use to it as it seems to be my eternal punishment for needed that morning caffiene kick!!!

Last night I saw a movie that made me shake my head... Daddy Daycare. I didn't watch the movie... it looked really lame... I shook my head because Angelica Huston was in it. Angelica "Morticia Addams" Huston. Oscar winner!!! Brilliant actress... why was she is this stupid lame ass movie???? WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sushi and snow

Last night Kat, Becks and I had drinks and sushi. I really miss girl time. I have been spending way too much time in my basement office writing and forget the importance of hanging out with friends and just being plain olde silly. When did I get to be such a bore... next outing... bowling!!!

By the gods I HATE WINTER... so much so I haven't went outside since I got to work today and won't be going outside till I have to go home. Once I am home... well you get the pictures. I have never liked winter, ever, and growing up in a small town that thrives on winter sports (hockey, broomball, skating, tobagganing, snowmobiling) you would think I would... but I don't... I can't stand being cold at all...

I have to stop reading the news, it just depresses me. Seeing that the temperatures will go from minus 10 to plus 17 in a matter of a week is very, very scary... we have competely fucked up our planet and now Mother Nature is pissed!!! Then there is our stupid governement... The Conseravatives are working to topple our government by next week... I DO NOT WANT HARPER as Prime Minister... he scares the hell out of me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And it's only Tuesday!

So today has started out... complete Shite! I almost left my house without my glasses... once again was tripping over recycling bins, because the 'santitation workers' can't seem to throw the bins more than 3 inches... then I get to the subway... 15 year olds blocking all the doors to the train... I once again had to force my way through the doors... only to notice the middle parts of the train had no bodies what so ever... WHY MUST THEY BLOCK THE DOORS!!!!!!!!!!! It's not like they are getting off at the next stop... and you would think after having several people at each stop push into you would be enough for you to want to move!!!!!!!! But then again... teenages between the ages of 13-17 these days are lazy, selfish, selfcentred, no manners, disrepecting, video playing asses!!! I am sick to death of them as well. I am tired of hearing the way they talk to their parents and other adults around them. I am sick of the way they treat public property. I am sick of seeing them on the subway.

Oh not to worry I remember being that age. I remember being 13. I am not acting like those old codgers who go on about 'back in my day'. That's not what I am doing, I was 13 once but was a very responsible 13 year old who had no life as I had to be home right after school each day to look after my siblings. I was taught to respect my elders and use good manners. If my parents found out I was being rude or blocking subway doors I was punished. I wasn't allowed to sit in front of a TV for hours at a time, we didn't even get cable till I was sixteen! I had chores, was encouraged to read, write and do art. Video games where unheard of in our household. And when they were introduced we were only allowed to use them for short periods of time.

But on the lighter side, my loverly friend BB the F has sent me a link to a website and an amazing service here in toronto. Eat My Words! It is a cake delivery service and the make stunning cakes, delivered in a blue hat box!!!

V has just reminded me of another fab website and group out there called Church Of Craft. Check them out, they are also having a craft sale on Dec 4 at the Rivoli.

For the zinesters out there.... check out this website and book your table.. they are going fast...

the bottom of the pot

one of my little quirks.. and yes I have many.. is that I cannot stand anything foreign in my drink.. for some people it is finding hair in their food (which I also find disgusting) but for me it is things in my drinks... If I find something floating in it... I won't drink it...

I don't like pulp in my juice... or grounds in my coffee. Having either pop into my mouth is gross... of course lately, all I have been finding is grounds on my coffee... i swear they know I am coming and save the bottom of the pot... just for me... EVER coffee I have bough over the last two weeks has had grounds at the bottom.. EVERY SINGLE ONE!!! Even the one this morning...*sigh*

Order of Canada...

am a wee bit confused this morning...not sure if it is because I haven't had enough caffiene pumped into my systemor maybe I just don't completely under stand how one get's the Order of Canadaaward. I have read through the qualifications http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Order_of_Canada and if I am getting it correctly you have to be someone who has done somethingto help better our country. So... why is Shania Twain getting it??? Yes shewill admit when cornered that she a Canadian, but... come on. She couldn'teven fly home when her hometown did a dedication for her. Does her sellingmillions of albums justify her getting this award??? If so that is just WRONG!!!

Amglad it is Friday though!!! Tonight I get to see Harry Potter 4. It is Cindy'sBD and that is what she would like to do, so Harry Potter here we come!!!

I also caved yesterday and FINALLY bought Wicked... I have at least 10 booksto read as it is. About 5 'A' has given me... but I decided I want to readthis first... so it is in my bag and ready for the subway ride!!!

... was also completely disappointed to read this morning that Kate Winslet
has caved to Hollywoods "Thin to be In" rules and has shed her curves... I
am very disappointed... she was a hero to us with child bearing hips...
shame on you Kate!!!


... am also sitting here looking out... at... snow... and it won't stop...
hasn't stopped for hours!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I hate winter...

I hate the cold....

HATE IT!!! It is -3 outside and that isn't factoring in the wind chill. I actually put my winter boots on this morning... apparently it is also suppose to snow today... *sigh* I also can't stand that it is dark when I get up in the morning... dark when I go home from work... during the period of time there is sunlight, I am either stuck inside a building or in the subway system... it will be April before I see sunlight again.... and I can't figure out why it is so hard to get out of bed in the mornings...

Then there is the fact that there isn't enough of me to go around... once upon a time I wasn't in demand... but now there isn't enough time in the day to

a) get things done
b) hang with my family
c) hang with my friends
d)relax....

when did our lives get so complicated... I am working hard to create a future where I can sit at home and write and get paid well for it... but in the meantime I struggle to do b/c/d...

... I either need to figure out how to create a 36 hour day or be cloned!!!

ok.. another morning from HELL...

ok.. another morning from HELL...

first woke up exhausted.... night 1 million and 1 of insomnia... when I do sleep I have very bizarre dreams... here is the one I remember...

One of my dearest friends BB the F comes to see me... I am sitting at my kitchen table. She is carrying a clothing shopping bag... she sits the bag down.. looks directly at me and says. 'OK Carolina, I have bought you two pair of pants and if it kills you.. .you are going to fit into them.'. She looks really frustrated as she speads. I then ask her what size they are, she snaps her head around and says 'Size 9'. I look at her a little shocked and says 'You know those won't fit me.' BB the F puts her hands on her hips and says, 'Come on Carolina, you know you are fat and you are going to lose weight if it kills you.' End of Dream...

First.. BB the F isn't mean! She is one of the nicest people I know... and she wouldn't tell me I am fat... So for my subconscious to put someone that nice in my dreams and have her be mean... time to start the effort to lose the 25 pounds again...

so... back to me being exhausted.... as I am getting ready for work, my honey calls me to tell me the train isn't working and hasn't been since 7:30 this morning... by the time I get there it is working but have to let 6 sardine packed trains go by before I can get on... great...

it is still RAINING and windy... I get to work 25 minutes late... at least I didn't spill my coffee this morning... but it's still early.......... I need a drink

I will also be getting my fill of Indian food today... first at lunch and then after work with Kat... I tend to get massive craving for curry, but I think after tonight, I will be good for a few months!!!!!!!!!

rain, rain, rain...

It's raining AGAIN! That's just great!!! I knew it was going to be one of those days when I got out of bed and it still seemed like night out. Walked out my front door and almost tripped over the plant that had fallen down because of the wind. Then I had to walk the garbage can obstacle course for three blocks.. yes today is garbage day... why can't the sanitary workers throw the cans the extra 4 inches so I don't have to walk around them...

Oh.. but it just continued to get better.. I get to the subway and as usual it was packed with annoying, loud, irritating... teenagers... who find it necessary to slowly board the train, too busy gossiping to allow people with jobs to get to, to board the train.. I rudely pushed myself through them knocking their knapsacks along the way. Knapsack they should have taken off!!!

Then when I left the subway, the wind had picked up and my umbrella got caught in a gust of wind and the shaft slammed into my forehead... which I am sure will leave a bruise... then... the coffee I just bought spilled on me... Coffee is the only thing that makes my morning bareable and spilling it.. ahhhhhhhhhhhhh

... and it wasn't even 9 am yet!!!

*sigh* now to try and crawl through the rest of the day...

I have no chocolate... yet I'm expected to make it through the day...

I am having the worst chocolate craving ever... and I mean the polish off a pound of chocolate in a sitting craving... There are many mitigating factors... it's Monday... I only got half of what I was suppose to do done this weekend... I did however put away my lawn furniture before it had a chance to blow away Sunday and wrote another 1000 words for my first short story for a book I am writing with Anna, Viki and Becks...

The next week is mega busy, but I need to finish off the first draft of the short story.. I am finding it hard to work in my basement office though... I am finding there is way too much clutter around me and no time to clean it up. I found myself starting to sort through the pile last night on my desk... and then had to stop myself. I am suppose to be writing not filing... I need a weekend to just clean out the entire office, organize and purge... I need to get a filing cabinet first!!! then I would at least have somewhere to put everything!!!

I have also decided I need to do more to expand my mind creatively so I have started to read The Artist's Way. Anna is currently trying it out and suggested I do the same. Will keep you up to date on what is going on with that. I am also considering waking up much earlier each day to write... though I am not a morning person, it may be the only time I actually get some true peace and quiet!!! If not I am going to have to start going to the reference library to write!!!

Check out Shannon Gerards website www.shannongerard.org... there is a drawing of her and I from the Hamilton Small Press Fair... Shannon being the brilliant artist captured exactly how we felt!!!

Hair today...

I have this really strange hair phenomena, when I cut it I get a headache afterwards and I usually feel out of sorts for a few days. I cut my hair yesterday.

Within a half hour my head was aching on the right side. My neck is still sore today and I am as usual out of sorts... I not sure if anyone else goes through this. WE all carry around alot of negative energy in our hair and cutting it off is always a relief. It also doesn't help that I haven't cut it in several months and it was half way down my back... so far I have had two reactions... Ramon hated my haircut and Anna LOVED it!!! I am still not completely sure about it. I told the hairdresser I didn't want bangs, but as she was laying it... well I now have long bangs... if it wasn't for that I would like the cut.. oh well, it will grow!!!

I checked the calendar... it is November 13th... so why are people putting up the outside xmas decorations??? My next door neighbour has the complete front of their house decked out!!! IT's ONLY NOVEMBER!!! Not to mention eggnog came out a month ago!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! All this does is completely wear off the spirit of the holidays!!!

Today is Rememberance Day

Today is Rememberance Day, the day that we give thanks to those who fought to keep us free. Today we give two minutes of our time to do this. Is this right??? Though I strongly believe wars of any kind are wrong and that we should be able to find other ways to solve issues without violence, I am very grateful for these people. They risked there lives to ensure we could be free. So why is it we only give two minutes of silence, why is it there are only a dedicated few that show up for their parades? Why don't we have bigger monuments for these hero's???

Because of these men and women we are free and unfortunately to this day we still take that freedom for granted!!! Take a look at what is happening in Afganistan, Iran, and other third world countries, we don't suffer those atrociaties and it is because men and women died because they loved this country.

Every year I see less and less vetrans out selling poppies. These men and women help to remind us of the hell we could be living right now if it wasn't for them. This generation won't be around for much longer. Who will sell the poppies when they are gone?

dreams and circumstances...

I had the below dream last night... and woke up feeling very anxious and a bit depressed this morning...

I was living in New York City and called to ask my parents to come spend Xmas with me... I was talking to my mum... she made every excuse she could and said she promised my sister that they would spend xmas with them.. I argued with her that they spend EVERY xmas with her and that this was the first time I had ever asked for anything... but it was like she a) didn't hear me and b) acted like it was such an inconvenience to do something special for me... then I woke up...

I end up over analyzing it... asked my two best friends to analyze is.. and I let it bother me... I have tried since last August to get my parents to drive down to visit and it's been impossible to get them to. Due to circumstances beyond my control right now I can't go up to Wiarton myself to visit them, but I just can't get them to understand this!!!

For the last week I have been hearing people talking about how they are getting together with their families for the holidays or how their parents are flying from the other side of the planet to be with them and it has gotten me depressed... and there is nothing I can do!

is the sky falling...

it looks like doomsday outside today... it is november 9th and we are having a thunderstorm. i don't like it, i don't like that the weather is so screwed up. every time i think about it i am reminded of the movie 'the day after'. we are responsible for completely screwing up mother nature and our planet and now 'the mother is angry'. it shouldn't be this warm and we shouldn't be getting thunderstorms in november... then of course tomorrow they are calling for rain...

... on another note.. I am NOT a morning person.. I had to be up at 6 am this morning so I could be at work by 7:30... I am already exhausted!!!

... wishing it was friday!

today is going to be one of those.. days

it all started last night... I went up to my room to read for a while before I went to bed... all of a sudden I could smell women's perfume and it was strong.. it smelled like amerige (sp). I thought it was the magazine I was reading.. I even went through all the other magazines, but it wasn't coming from them... then within a half hour it was gone.. then when I turned out the lights, I swear something growled at me.. one of my dogs sleeps with me but it definetly wasn't her... my life just gets weirder...

... and weirder.. and weirder...

...at lunch time I had to head down to Parkdale to pick up the invites for the Dec 1, Speak Easy at the Gladstone... all was cool till my trip back... I got on the subway to come back downtown... a man got on the train with me. Ok, I don't find this weird, what was weird was this guy went from one end of the car to the other picking up all the garbage... all of it.. he even got down on his hands and knees to do it... even TTC employees don't do that!!!

... then I get back to work and check my email and my baby brother, whom I haven't heard from in months and months emailed me!!! Again, that's not what is weird... what's weird is just this morning while walking to work.. I thought to myself... I wish my baby brother would get email so I can see how he is doing...

I have days like this all the time... weirdness.. people saying odd things to me, doing odd things in front of me... odd, weird and freaky...

maybe I will find a bag of money on my way home tonight!!! that's not too much to ask is it???

I am here to take over the world!

Yes, I have entered the world of blogging... you would think I have too much to do already.. but hey... my life is all about insanity!!!!!!

Plus, I need a space to randomly vent, when the moment overtakes me... posting my rants once a week at shebytches.com, sometime isn't enough!!!

So yesterday Mon, Shan and I attended the Hamilton Small Press fair. We were completely out of our element there. It just wasn't the right crowd for us. Kudo's though to the Gritlit for putting together the fair. We need more venues for independent press! It was their first go at it and am sure with some tweaking it will get better. The most important thing is that more people know about Shebytches now!!!

In the end it all didn't matter, what was important was more people know who we are and Mon and I spent the day brainstorming on how shebytches and burning effigy are going to take over the world!!! Not to mention we had an absolute blast!!!