Oh what a dreary day...

Oh what a dreary day...

I actually like when it is dreary out... it matches my dark soul. However, what I don't like is having to trudge through the rain to come to work.. I would much rather be enjoying the overcast skies from the comfort of my home, front porch or a cafe. Sitting and writing all the while... Not from an office...with boring corporate people...

How lame my day will be!!!

I think my Sunday's have turned into Mondays!!!

I was having what seemed to be a really nice weekend! Sat I went to One of a Kind with some of the coolest chicks on the planet and made a new friend. I somehow managed to control my spending and didn't go broke at this show. I was finally able to get to Future Bakery and fullfil my mash potatoes and mushroom gravy craving!!! Sat evening I was finally able to spend some quality time with my honey, though things didn't end up working out as we had originally planned. Then came Sunday...

I was actually able to sleep in for a change... I am still not sure how that happened... but it did... After eating and such, I decided to go get groceries... all seemed to be going well... I was finding all the things I needed and then some... although the grocery store was crammed with people, for a change I didn't have tonnes of people shoving their carts into me or cutting me off... that all changed when I was packing my groceries and about to leave...

I am known far and wide for my ability to attact religous freaks and creepy little people. Sunday was no exception. As I was packing up my groceries a creepy, dirty little guy came up behind me and asked if I had ever tried the pizza's I had just purchased before. I said, "Sorry, no I havent'." I figured that would be the end of the conversation. He then started to talk to me and since I was concentrating on getting packed and get the hell out of the grocery store... I of course wasn't listening to him. He then rudely said "Excuse me I am talking to you." At which point I must have given him the stare of death because he retorted. "Excuse me, I thought you were nice, your not and you have a attitude problem. You have an attitude problem!" Then he walked away. So apparently I have an attitude problem!!! Ok then!

So then if the that wasnt' enough.. I waited 20 minutes for the bus. When you are loaded down with groceries.. 20 minutes is a very long time. When it finally came it was of course packed... so I stood for the 15 minute bus ride. After struggling to get off the bus, then down all the stairs and into the subway, I see the platform is crammed full of people. This was a bad sign. I put all my bags down to take a breather and in the meantime an announcement came on. And as with all TTC announcement... I couldn't understand a word that was being said. Someone who went up to the ticket booth found out that subway was completely shut down from Vic Park to Yonge with no idea of why or when it would start again and that shuttle buses where on the Danforth (that's a really bad sign). So I lugged the groceries back up the millions of stairs and took a cab!!!
By the time I got home I was fed up, exhausted and frustrated.. at least the cab driver wasn't annoying and smelly!!!

bleech and huh!!!

Guess what I had in my coffee again this morning... that's right... grounds... I may as well get use to it as it seems to be my eternal punishment for needed that morning caffiene kick!!!

Last night I saw a movie that made me shake my head... Daddy Daycare. I didn't watch the movie... it looked really lame... I shook my head because Angelica Huston was in it. Angelica "Morticia Addams" Huston. Oscar winner!!! Brilliant actress... why was she is this stupid lame ass movie???? WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sushi and snow

Last night Kat, Becks and I had drinks and sushi. I really miss girl time. I have been spending way too much time in my basement office writing and forget the importance of hanging out with friends and just being plain olde silly. When did I get to be such a bore... next outing... bowling!!!

By the gods I HATE WINTER... so much so I haven't went outside since I got to work today and won't be going outside till I have to go home. Once I am home... well you get the pictures. I have never liked winter, ever, and growing up in a small town that thrives on winter sports (hockey, broomball, skating, tobagganing, snowmobiling) you would think I would... but I don't... I can't stand being cold at all...

I have to stop reading the news, it just depresses me. Seeing that the temperatures will go from minus 10 to plus 17 in a matter of a week is very, very scary... we have competely fucked up our planet and now Mother Nature is pissed!!! Then there is our stupid governement... The Conseravatives are working to topple our government by next week... I DO NOT WANT HARPER as Prime Minister... he scares the hell out of me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And it's only Tuesday!

So today has started out... complete Shite! I almost left my house without my glasses... once again was tripping over recycling bins, because the 'santitation workers' can't seem to throw the bins more than 3 inches... then I get to the subway... 15 year olds blocking all the doors to the train... I once again had to force my way through the doors... only to notice the middle parts of the train had no bodies what so ever... WHY MUST THEY BLOCK THE DOORS!!!!!!!!!!! It's not like they are getting off at the next stop... and you would think after having several people at each stop push into you would be enough for you to want to move!!!!!!!! But then again... teenages between the ages of 13-17 these days are lazy, selfish, selfcentred, no manners, disrepecting, video playing asses!!! I am sick to death of them as well. I am tired of hearing the way they talk to their parents and other adults around them. I am sick of the way they treat public property. I am sick of seeing them on the subway.

Oh not to worry I remember being that age. I remember being 13. I am not acting like those old codgers who go on about 'back in my day'. That's not what I am doing, I was 13 once but was a very responsible 13 year old who had no life as I had to be home right after school each day to look after my siblings. I was taught to respect my elders and use good manners. If my parents found out I was being rude or blocking subway doors I was punished. I wasn't allowed to sit in front of a TV for hours at a time, we didn't even get cable till I was sixteen! I had chores, was encouraged to read, write and do art. Video games where unheard of in our household. And when they were introduced we were only allowed to use them for short periods of time.

But on the lighter side, my loverly friend BB the F has sent me a link to a website and an amazing service here in toronto. Eat My Words! It is a cake delivery service and the make stunning cakes, delivered in a blue hat box!!!

V has just reminded me of another fab website and group out there called Church Of Craft. Check them out, they are also having a craft sale on Dec 4 at the Rivoli.

For the zinesters out there.... check out this website and book your table.. they are going fast...

the bottom of the pot

one of my little quirks.. and yes I have many.. is that I cannot stand anything foreign in my drink.. for some people it is finding hair in their food (which I also find disgusting) but for me it is things in my drinks... If I find something floating in it... I won't drink it...

I don't like pulp in my juice... or grounds in my coffee. Having either pop into my mouth is gross... of course lately, all I have been finding is grounds on my coffee... i swear they know I am coming and save the bottom of the pot... just for me... EVER coffee I have bough over the last two weeks has had grounds at the bottom.. EVERY SINGLE ONE!!! Even the one this morning...*sigh*

Order of Canada...

am a wee bit confused this morning...not sure if it is because I haven't had enough caffiene pumped into my systemor maybe I just don't completely under stand how one get's the Order of Canadaaward. I have read through the qualifications http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Order_of_Canada and if I am getting it correctly you have to be someone who has done somethingto help better our country. So... why is Shania Twain getting it??? Yes shewill admit when cornered that she a Canadian, but... come on. She couldn'teven fly home when her hometown did a dedication for her. Does her sellingmillions of albums justify her getting this award??? If so that is just WRONG!!!

Amglad it is Friday though!!! Tonight I get to see Harry Potter 4. It is Cindy'sBD and that is what she would like to do, so Harry Potter here we come!!!

I also caved yesterday and FINALLY bought Wicked... I have at least 10 booksto read as it is. About 5 'A' has given me... but I decided I want to readthis first... so it is in my bag and ready for the subway ride!!!

... was also completely disappointed to read this morning that Kate Winslet
has caved to Hollywoods "Thin to be In" rules and has shed her curves... I
am very disappointed... she was a hero to us with child bearing hips...
shame on you Kate!!!


... am also sitting here looking out... at... snow... and it won't stop...
hasn't stopped for hours!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I hate winter...

I hate the cold....

HATE IT!!! It is -3 outside and that isn't factoring in the wind chill. I actually put my winter boots on this morning... apparently it is also suppose to snow today... *sigh* I also can't stand that it is dark when I get up in the morning... dark when I go home from work... during the period of time there is sunlight, I am either stuck inside a building or in the subway system... it will be April before I see sunlight again.... and I can't figure out why it is so hard to get out of bed in the mornings...

Then there is the fact that there isn't enough of me to go around... once upon a time I wasn't in demand... but now there isn't enough time in the day to

a) get things done
b) hang with my family
c) hang with my friends
d)relax....

when did our lives get so complicated... I am working hard to create a future where I can sit at home and write and get paid well for it... but in the meantime I struggle to do b/c/d...

... I either need to figure out how to create a 36 hour day or be cloned!!!

ok.. another morning from HELL...

ok.. another morning from HELL...

first woke up exhausted.... night 1 million and 1 of insomnia... when I do sleep I have very bizarre dreams... here is the one I remember...

One of my dearest friends BB the F comes to see me... I am sitting at my kitchen table. She is carrying a clothing shopping bag... she sits the bag down.. looks directly at me and says. 'OK Carolina, I have bought you two pair of pants and if it kills you.. .you are going to fit into them.'. She looks really frustrated as she speads. I then ask her what size they are, she snaps her head around and says 'Size 9'. I look at her a little shocked and says 'You know those won't fit me.' BB the F puts her hands on her hips and says, 'Come on Carolina, you know you are fat and you are going to lose weight if it kills you.' End of Dream...

First.. BB the F isn't mean! She is one of the nicest people I know... and she wouldn't tell me I am fat... So for my subconscious to put someone that nice in my dreams and have her be mean... time to start the effort to lose the 25 pounds again...

so... back to me being exhausted.... as I am getting ready for work, my honey calls me to tell me the train isn't working and hasn't been since 7:30 this morning... by the time I get there it is working but have to let 6 sardine packed trains go by before I can get on... great...

it is still RAINING and windy... I get to work 25 minutes late... at least I didn't spill my coffee this morning... but it's still early.......... I need a drink

I will also be getting my fill of Indian food today... first at lunch and then after work with Kat... I tend to get massive craving for curry, but I think after tonight, I will be good for a few months!!!!!!!!!

rain, rain, rain...

It's raining AGAIN! That's just great!!! I knew it was going to be one of those days when I got out of bed and it still seemed like night out. Walked out my front door and almost tripped over the plant that had fallen down because of the wind. Then I had to walk the garbage can obstacle course for three blocks.. yes today is garbage day... why can't the sanitary workers throw the cans the extra 4 inches so I don't have to walk around them...

Oh.. but it just continued to get better.. I get to the subway and as usual it was packed with annoying, loud, irritating... teenagers... who find it necessary to slowly board the train, too busy gossiping to allow people with jobs to get to, to board the train.. I rudely pushed myself through them knocking their knapsacks along the way. Knapsack they should have taken off!!!

Then when I left the subway, the wind had picked up and my umbrella got caught in a gust of wind and the shaft slammed into my forehead... which I am sure will leave a bruise... then... the coffee I just bought spilled on me... Coffee is the only thing that makes my morning bareable and spilling it.. ahhhhhhhhhhhhh

... and it wasn't even 9 am yet!!!

*sigh* now to try and crawl through the rest of the day...

I have no chocolate... yet I'm expected to make it through the day...

I am having the worst chocolate craving ever... and I mean the polish off a pound of chocolate in a sitting craving... There are many mitigating factors... it's Monday... I only got half of what I was suppose to do done this weekend... I did however put away my lawn furniture before it had a chance to blow away Sunday and wrote another 1000 words for my first short story for a book I am writing with Anna, Viki and Becks...

The next week is mega busy, but I need to finish off the first draft of the short story.. I am finding it hard to work in my basement office though... I am finding there is way too much clutter around me and no time to clean it up. I found myself starting to sort through the pile last night on my desk... and then had to stop myself. I am suppose to be writing not filing... I need a weekend to just clean out the entire office, organize and purge... I need to get a filing cabinet first!!! then I would at least have somewhere to put everything!!!

I have also decided I need to do more to expand my mind creatively so I have started to read The Artist's Way. Anna is currently trying it out and suggested I do the same. Will keep you up to date on what is going on with that. I am also considering waking up much earlier each day to write... though I am not a morning person, it may be the only time I actually get some true peace and quiet!!! If not I am going to have to start going to the reference library to write!!!

Check out Shannon Gerards website www.shannongerard.org... there is a drawing of her and I from the Hamilton Small Press Fair... Shannon being the brilliant artist captured exactly how we felt!!!

Hair today...

I have this really strange hair phenomena, when I cut it I get a headache afterwards and I usually feel out of sorts for a few days. I cut my hair yesterday.

Within a half hour my head was aching on the right side. My neck is still sore today and I am as usual out of sorts... I not sure if anyone else goes through this. WE all carry around alot of negative energy in our hair and cutting it off is always a relief. It also doesn't help that I haven't cut it in several months and it was half way down my back... so far I have had two reactions... Ramon hated my haircut and Anna LOVED it!!! I am still not completely sure about it. I told the hairdresser I didn't want bangs, but as she was laying it... well I now have long bangs... if it wasn't for that I would like the cut.. oh well, it will grow!!!

I checked the calendar... it is November 13th... so why are people putting up the outside xmas decorations??? My next door neighbour has the complete front of their house decked out!!! IT's ONLY NOVEMBER!!! Not to mention eggnog came out a month ago!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! All this does is completely wear off the spirit of the holidays!!!

Today is Rememberance Day

Today is Rememberance Day, the day that we give thanks to those who fought to keep us free. Today we give two minutes of our time to do this. Is this right??? Though I strongly believe wars of any kind are wrong and that we should be able to find other ways to solve issues without violence, I am very grateful for these people. They risked there lives to ensure we could be free. So why is it we only give two minutes of silence, why is it there are only a dedicated few that show up for their parades? Why don't we have bigger monuments for these hero's???

Because of these men and women we are free and unfortunately to this day we still take that freedom for granted!!! Take a look at what is happening in Afganistan, Iran, and other third world countries, we don't suffer those atrociaties and it is because men and women died because they loved this country.

Every year I see less and less vetrans out selling poppies. These men and women help to remind us of the hell we could be living right now if it wasn't for them. This generation won't be around for much longer. Who will sell the poppies when they are gone?

dreams and circumstances...

I had the below dream last night... and woke up feeling very anxious and a bit depressed this morning...

I was living in New York City and called to ask my parents to come spend Xmas with me... I was talking to my mum... she made every excuse she could and said she promised my sister that they would spend xmas with them.. I argued with her that they spend EVERY xmas with her and that this was the first time I had ever asked for anything... but it was like she a) didn't hear me and b) acted like it was such an inconvenience to do something special for me... then I woke up...

I end up over analyzing it... asked my two best friends to analyze is.. and I let it bother me... I have tried since last August to get my parents to drive down to visit and it's been impossible to get them to. Due to circumstances beyond my control right now I can't go up to Wiarton myself to visit them, but I just can't get them to understand this!!!

For the last week I have been hearing people talking about how they are getting together with their families for the holidays or how their parents are flying from the other side of the planet to be with them and it has gotten me depressed... and there is nothing I can do!

is the sky falling...

it looks like doomsday outside today... it is november 9th and we are having a thunderstorm. i don't like it, i don't like that the weather is so screwed up. every time i think about it i am reminded of the movie 'the day after'. we are responsible for completely screwing up mother nature and our planet and now 'the mother is angry'. it shouldn't be this warm and we shouldn't be getting thunderstorms in november... then of course tomorrow they are calling for rain...

... on another note.. I am NOT a morning person.. I had to be up at 6 am this morning so I could be at work by 7:30... I am already exhausted!!!

... wishing it was friday!

today is going to be one of those.. days

it all started last night... I went up to my room to read for a while before I went to bed... all of a sudden I could smell women's perfume and it was strong.. it smelled like amerige (sp). I thought it was the magazine I was reading.. I even went through all the other magazines, but it wasn't coming from them... then within a half hour it was gone.. then when I turned out the lights, I swear something growled at me.. one of my dogs sleeps with me but it definetly wasn't her... my life just gets weirder...

... and weirder.. and weirder...

...at lunch time I had to head down to Parkdale to pick up the invites for the Dec 1, Speak Easy at the Gladstone... all was cool till my trip back... I got on the subway to come back downtown... a man got on the train with me. Ok, I don't find this weird, what was weird was this guy went from one end of the car to the other picking up all the garbage... all of it.. he even got down on his hands and knees to do it... even TTC employees don't do that!!!

... then I get back to work and check my email and my baby brother, whom I haven't heard from in months and months emailed me!!! Again, that's not what is weird... what's weird is just this morning while walking to work.. I thought to myself... I wish my baby brother would get email so I can see how he is doing...

I have days like this all the time... weirdness.. people saying odd things to me, doing odd things in front of me... odd, weird and freaky...

maybe I will find a bag of money on my way home tonight!!! that's not too much to ask is it???

I am here to take over the world!

Yes, I have entered the world of blogging... you would think I have too much to do already.. but hey... my life is all about insanity!!!!!!

Plus, I need a space to randomly vent, when the moment overtakes me... posting my rants once a week at shebytches.com, sometime isn't enough!!!

So yesterday Mon, Shan and I attended the Hamilton Small Press fair. We were completely out of our element there. It just wasn't the right crowd for us. Kudo's though to the Gritlit for putting together the fair. We need more venues for independent press! It was their first go at it and am sure with some tweaking it will get better. The most important thing is that more people know about Shebytches now!!!

In the end it all didn't matter, what was important was more people know who we are and Mon and I spent the day brainstorming on how shebytches and burning effigy are going to take over the world!!! Not to mention we had an absolute blast!!!