I may have traveled half way around the world

Today it felt like I traveled half way around the world and back again. At least my feet feel that way. I had a very long list of things I needed to get and achieve today... I started at one end of the subway system and worked my way back. Eager to check the contents off the list as quickly as I could, I started my journey and the road down disappointment.

'Sold out, we don't carry that anymore, I don't think we have ever had that'... words that started to rub me like sand paper... finally at shopping stop number 4 and score... I was able to find one of the things on my list. Frustrated, hungry and in need of caffeine, I stopped for a few minutes to regroup. I decided to complete some of the non supply purchases end of the list. Big mistake.

Aren't people in customer service positions suppose to be.. well... helpful... one would think. As you will see in a previous blog I took the dreaded grey hound bus to where my parents live. Thankfully I didn't have to endure the ride back, but that meant I had to refund my ticket. Today I went to the station to do just that and had to deal with a ticket agent who looked like he was sucking on a sour candy... and a nasty piece of work sitting in the wicket beside him.

As I was dealing with Mr. Sour Puss, an eighty year old woman walked up to Ms. You Need to Stand in the Line to ask a question. After berating the poor thing and sending her on her way she had the nerve to say 'just because she is old.' We exchanged dirty looks as I was being shoved out of the way by the next customer. Mr. Sour Puss couldn't seem to get me out of the way fast enough. As he was shoving my money at me he was yelling "NEXT" Assholes.

After that fun experience, I strolled over to Chinatown in hopes of finding some of my supplies... one should never venture into Chinatown on a Saturday.. you can barely more for the crowds... but today had an added bonus.... on the way I was blocked by some protest.. then once I got there, I didn't realize it was 'International Hork Day.' Women, children and men alike were participating... I may have even seen a dog doing it... I walked four blocks dancing around the airborne phylum and the stuff on the ground... really is Horking necessary!!!!!!!

After Chinatown I headed to Queen Street. While in the shower this morning I had an idea for a new piece of merchandise. With a vision in my head I walked into what seemed to be the busiest store on the planet... I could barely move and once in the store was stuck and unable to get back out... after searching for 40 minutes and unable to get assistance from the clerks I finally found the things I need. (btw, tried making one tonight and I quite like it! Will get V's opinion tomorrow). Whoo hoo things off my list. About 20 more to go...

After some more running around Queen street and completely flabbergasted that I couldn't find anything... I hoped on the street car and headed east... there were more things I needed to get at the other end. This was a streetcar ride that almost put me over the top.

If the annoying 14 year old girls weren't bad enough, the lady with the really long dreadlocks, sitting in front of me, just about drove me to going postal. She hit me three times with her dreads... three times!!! On the third swat I said 'hey do you mind.' At which she gave me a dirty look... how dare I sit behind her... geez... her and her son got off the street car...

When I finally arrived at the other end... once again... 'sorry we seemed to be sold out.' fortunately they ordered me what I needed but it took the owner 15 minutes to explain it all to me... really I didn't need to know how you go about ordering stuff... just get it for me!!!!!

Of course my timing was off the entire day and I kept missing subway trains, streetcars and buses...

It took five hours to accomplish 4 things.... it should have only taken 2.

I need a margarita!

shouldn't blogging be fun???

A local television morning show did a show this week on blogging. When I found out they were doing it I was happy and excited. Until I saw what blogs they chose... I have to say they were some of the most boring, bland and uninteresting blogs I have ever seen! EVER! Really, if I didn't know anything about blogging and saw these blogs, well, I wouldn't bother... what would be the point... boring....

so... I sent them an email stating my utter disappointment with their choices, I told them to email me and included this blog in the body of the letter. If you guys decide to check me out... also check out these blogs... they are the ones you should have featured. These are interesting and they are full of creativity!

http://shebytches.blogspot.com (of course)
http://lizzievioletsblog.blogspot.com
http://twomile.blogspot.com
http://deliriumslibrary.blogspot.com/
http://strange.livejournal.com/
http://thecalaverakid.blogspot.com/
http://transmission-x.blogspot.com/
http://sumachstreetmysteries.blogspot.com/

While you are at it check out all the cool links I have to the right!!!

Flappers

I love knowledge and I LOVE to study history. Personally I think the most fascinating time for me to study is from 1900-1960. The world went through so much change it's crazy. The particular era's I tend to read about the most is the 1920's and the 1950's. But what I am most interested in are Flappers. Ever since I was a child I have been obessessed with them. I even wore a flapper dress to a end of year dance in high school. My outfit was complete with long pearls and a flapper hat!

After the Suffragette movement, I think Flappers were the next group of women to make a stand and show the world they had minds of their own! I love the clothes, the music, the movies and the attitude!

Which reminds me. I need to see if I can find my F. Scott Fitzgerald collection. Where could that have gone?

http://www.geocities.com/flapper_culture/
http://history1900s.about.com/od/1920s/a/flappers.htm
http://stampsmith.net/flappers.htm
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flapper
http://www.crimetime.co.uk/features/flapperstofilmnoir.php
http://www.silentladies.com/zFlappers.html
http://faculty.pittstate.edu/~knichols/jazzage.html

My long trip to see my parents.

I finally made it to my home town to see my parents and to see how my father is doing since his stroke. I only went for the weekend and that is about as much of my hometown as I can take. I hadn't been there is almost four years. Normally I would rent a car and drive up, but turns out taking a bus was cheaper and I figured since I would only be there for one evening what was the point of the extra expense. After that bus ride, I am splurging for a car next time!

These are all the reasons why!

~I had to be up at 5:30 am on a Saturday.
~I took public transit to the bus station. Why are there so many people using the subway at 6:30 on a Saturday morning?
~I had to be at the station one hour before my bus arrived to buy my ticket because the ticket line is always huge.
~I had to wait in the bus line up 30 minutes before it arrived as people started lining up at 7 am. It was raining (we were sheltered) cold and damp.
~80% of the people in the line were trailer trash/rednecks. 10 percent students and 5 percent elderly and 5% somewhat normal (I put myself selfishly in this category)
~As a bonus there were no screaming children and thankfully NO ONE sat beside me.
~3 of the passengers were a farmer and his two female companions. He put his arms up at one point. the entire bus filled with really nasty B/O. You can't open the windows on the bus. How the bus driver didn't pass out and crash the bus was a miracle.
~There was a very strange little man who spent the entire bus ride in the bathroom. Each time someone had to use it he would come out stand by the door and when they exited, he went back in.
~I have long legs and there is hardly any leg room.
~Aside from the smelly farmer the bus smelled weird.
~It was only a four hour trip... can you imaged a longer one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My parents felt sorry for me and drove me back...

Breath...

Someone just told me she is paying a therapist $150 for 5, 1 hour sessions teaching her how to breath. That's right... breath. I understand that she is taking these sessions to help reduce stress, but really why would anyone want to pay someone else $30 an hour to teach them to breath. Last time I checked you had to breath or you would die.

People are really taking advantage of our over stressed society. It's a huge winfall for them, but personally I draw the line when it comes to breathing. Paying someone that much money to teach me something I am already doing is a load of hooey... She would have been better off spending that $150 on a month pass for yoga.

Ok, now Breath... and you owe me $2 for my time!

stuff to do...

am now addicted to this... way to go soph! http://www.librarything.com

and if you are zinesters, these gals are creating a travelling zine library... donate to them. I am. Get in touch with Nita Mocanu of LADYFEST Romania http://ladyfest-ro.pimienta.org/

I would rather be playin hookey right now...

and you have to read this blog, it is one of my favourites!!! http://deliriumslibrary.blogspot.com/

and while you are cruising in cyberspace check out two of my girls newly updated websites. www.willowdawson.com and www.steflenk.com

cool blogs....

everyone needs to go to bardcafe.blogspot.com and start posting poems!!! I insist!

also going up north this weekend to visit my parents... of course it is raining the entire time... and they changed the bus route, so if i don't take the 8 am bus... which is 4 hours, i have to take another bus that is 8 hours... the trip is only 3 hours in the car... you do the math...

what did I accomplish and another weird dream

I am wrapping up a 4 day weekend and feel like I have accomplished nothing. By the time I get through all of the administrative shit or running things, there is no time left to write... or at least that is what it feels like!!! Clone me please.

Well, the weird dreams are back.. well I think always have weird dreams but this one I vividly remembered.

I am seeing an 8 year old girl with long black hair sitting on the edge of her bed. Her name is Innocence (I know this as I hear her Mother calling her by that name). i know that she is having a birthday party but has been scolded by her mother for doing something that she didn't do. Her Mother talks to her in a very condecending way. Like how an old fashion school-marm would talk down to a child. I find out from her mother's scolding that another one of the girls at the party has blamed her for something. I am not sure what exactly what has happened, but Innocence is well innocent. I can tell because I can actually feel her emotional pain. Because of what happened she was sent to her room and her birthday party continues without her. She sits on the edge of her bed listening to all the other children laughing and playing without her. But I can also tell she doesn't mind and didn't want the party to begin with.

I can see that she is wearing a dingy dress and her hair is falling in her face, her hands folded in her lap she looks at the groudn and will not answer her mother
even though she knows she didn't do anything. She seems like a child who has never know a moment of joy. She is filled with eternal sadness.

Later her mother comes into her room and asks her to go back to the party but Innocence continues to sit on her bed does not answer her mother only looks at the ground.

Innocence surroundings are very nice and clean and her mother is very well dressed, very proper looking. Seems almost cold.

I don't know if Innocence goes back to the party as I woke up.

Craigslist

I LOVE Craigslist (craigslist.org). I posted something last week and have had tonnes of responses! It is almost overwhelming. Why I hadn't thought of this sooner....

Until a month ago all I knew about Craigslist was it was an amazing tool being used by Katrina victims. They were using it to find family or lost pets. I had no clue the vast amount of information that can be found on this amazing list. Not only can you looks for jobs, apartments or mates. You can buy, sell, post events...you name it!!!

It's an amazing tool. So use it!!!

bit behind

I am a bit behind on posting... we can blame the government... but at least my taxes are done now.

Also, we are putting a call out for submissions for our website and quarterly zine. For more details go to www.shebytches.com/submissions.html or email submissions@shebytches.com.

In other news, Laura had her baby!!! Check out her blog for details http://beginningsofninjaapprentice.blogspot.com/

the princess affect...

everyone one knows one, or works with one or knows someone who knows someone... I work with one... she appears to have the picture perfects life. mommy and daddy paid her way through university, she has a job that is perfect, her friends are out of a magazine, she is engaged to a man who a mover and shaker and well into the money, they have a perfect penthouse apartment and now she is going down to the tropics to have the perfect wedding. I am sure in a year she will be having the perfect baby. oh and her hair and make up are never out of place.... ever... as a matter of fact I don't think I have ever seen lint on her perfect black suit. she is also one of the phoniest people I have ever met. her 'oh hiiiiiii' makes me cringe... like nails down a chalk board.

what a princess...

am I jealous... not at all... how boring it would be to be her... my entire life has been a struggle, I fight for everything I have and will have to fight for everything I want. It would be nice if once.. just once something was handed to me, but that isn't going to happen. no rather we live in a world of those who are given and those who fight.

I am not the only one who is in this battle. One of my dearest friends is as well. Together we fight the good fight and eventually it will pay off. We don't rely on our looks to get us what we want and rich men are a joke. Really they are. It would be nice though if some of their money fell our way though.

Do I want to be a princess... good gawd no. I want to be the Bloody QUEEN. And I will!!!

why the double standard

I have been seeing quite a bit in the news recently regarding a murder in the US. A women killed her preacher husband. Today one of the headlines read "Why did she kill her husband?"

Why is it when a man kills a woman, there is no question as to 'the why'. Yet when a woman kills a man.. they ask that very specific question. Shouldn't that question be asked no matter if it is a man or woman committing the crime?

Think about it. If the time was taken to ask that question every single time a man commits a violent act against a , we would better understand violence against women, and in fact... we may be able to actually stop it.

mey...

I woke this morning and thought.. meh....

things aren't happening fast enough... why must I be so impatient.

this weekend... I go bowling with the girls... this is the last bit of fun before I hunkerdown. After April 8th, I am dedicating my spare time to writing and working on rebuilding our websites. I am becoming miser with my money as well. Debts need to vanish. If I am to continue my attempts at applying for grant money. At some point I will be living off of just that so being in debt can no longer be part of my life.

at one point a few weeks ago I looked at my back yard and thought to myself... I am going to enjoy my backyard this summer... not realizing that didn't mean, bbq's and drinking wine till 4 am... rather meaning, laptop on patio table working till I have enough meet in my book to shop it around. It needs to be done, meaning fun will be sacraficed.

I have blinders on now to many things...

and now the real work begins...

determined to put my life in order and start living my dream... I have now booked my self with my computer till my books are ready to go to a publisher. a few people have already did the 'what... but... you won't be hanging out... you need to have some fun...' i have had to break to it them, not so gently... no fun for me till I get done. They balked, I shrugged... oh well.

the writing and the websites are now my priority. no more extra projects. my social life will become non existent. once i get to where i need to be I will re-evaluate and maybe emerge from my basement. at least the weather is warmer and I can start working in my backyard soon. I will be socializing with the birds.

some might think I am being selfish. so be it. the blinders are already on.

I cannot STAND nylons.

I cannot STAND nylons. With spring here, I want to start wearing skirts more often, but it's just a wee bit too cold to go barelegged... so I have to struggle with nylons. A man must have invented them because I view them as a torture device. I have yet to find a pair that:

a) fits properly... when it says it is XTall, fits up to 5"11" and 200 lbs (neither of which I am) I not only expect them to fit... but have extra room.
b) have yet to snag... I can never wear the same pair twice and am unlikely to make it out of my house with out a hole. this morning I lasted 5 minutes in them
c) would like to not have to struggle to keep my balance when putting them on... someone could video tape me and sell it to funniest home video.... I look like a circus freak!

That same man probably also invented the underwire bra, the corset and the girdle... that man is evil!

wide awake

a few things I realized because of last weeks events:

~EVERYONE needs to stop smoking. It's a major cause of stroke, lung and heart disease and probably a large factor in regards to my father having a stroke. I don't want anyone else to go through this.
~I have some really great friends who care about what is going on with me. I was suppose to hang out with two of them Sat night but just couldn't do it. I have had stomach issues all week because the stress and I was in a major anti social mood. I have snapped out of it.
~I am awake now. I will not be 66 years old suffering an illness and wishing I had lived my dreams. I may be 39, but I know exactly what that dream is now and I am going to fulfill it. My father wanted to be a song writer but never lived his dreams. It's not too late and when he is better I am going to remind him of it. I am also now going to be extremely selfish with my time. No more additional projects. The focus is on me and my work. No one else can do it for me.
~I am a writer because of my father. My father is an incredible story teller. So am I and it is something I inherited from him.
~Live my life with no regrets and enjoy it!

week from hell....

...didn't get a couple of grants we applied for... the system is so screwed up... some flying squirrels having sex got the grants instead.

... then my dog have formed bumps in two locations he received injections (rabies, kennel cough) but this is something I was warned might happen... me being paranoid I am worried about him... but he seems fine...

... my dad was rushed to the hospital with severe head pain... they don't know what's wrong... after many tests still don't.

a good friend told me the universe is testing me.. It tests me on a regular basis and I wish it would stop... I think I've passed already...

riddle

Here is a riddle for you. Answer below.

How do you get money to publish something, but you have to publish it before you can have the money?





Answer: become a flying squirrel

spring is in the... the what?????????

today if officially the first day of spring... the kind that comes with a windchill...

no shadow my ass!

am going to hunt me an albino groundhog...

slowly losing my mind...

wow! what the hell is wrong with my brain. i know it is quite full these days and i do stress about trying to get everything i need to get done done. i don't sleep well and am sure that is effecting my short term memory. this morning was a wake up call though. i forgot to lock my front door. i know i had keys in hand.. i remember putting them back in my bag... but i didn't actually use them.

something has got to give. though i have removed a few things from my plate, several other things need to go. i can't even remember to do something as important as lock my front door. what's next... am I going to leave the gas stove on... thing is, I am an chronic insomniac. the only solution according to doctors at this point is medication... which i refuse to take... there needs to be other alternatives... otherwise... this morning scared me...

i know that going forward i can no longer take on other projects. i have to stick to the website and writing only... i continually get request to do this and that and have been saying no... but i have to start saying no to them all... they ask because they know they can count on me to come through for them.. but i think it is time for me to become extremely selfish with my time...

... before i lose anymore of it...