determined to put my life in order and start living my dream... I have now booked my self with my computer till my books are ready to go to a publisher. a few people have already did the 'what... but... you won't be hanging out... you need to have some fun...' i have had to break to it them, not so gently... no fun for me till I get done. They balked, I shrugged... oh well.
the writing and the websites are now my priority. no more extra projects. my social life will become non existent. once i get to where i need to be I will re-evaluate and maybe emerge from my basement. at least the weather is warmer and I can start working in my backyard soon. I will be socializing with the birds.
some might think I am being selfish. so be it. the blinders are already on.
Friday, March 31, 2006
Thursday, March 30, 2006
I cannot STAND nylons.
I cannot STAND nylons. With spring here, I want to start wearing skirts more often, but it's just a wee bit too cold to go barelegged... so I have to struggle with nylons. A man must have invented them because I view them as a torture device. I have yet to find a pair that:
a) fits properly... when it says it is XTall, fits up to 5"11" and 200 lbs (neither of which I am) I not only expect them to fit... but have extra room.
b) have yet to snag... I can never wear the same pair twice and am unlikely to make it out of my house with out a hole. this morning I lasted 5 minutes in them
c) would like to not have to struggle to keep my balance when putting them on... someone could video tape me and sell it to funniest home video.... I look like a circus freak!
That same man probably also invented the underwire bra, the corset and the girdle... that man is evil!
a) fits properly... when it says it is XTall, fits up to 5"11" and 200 lbs (neither of which I am) I not only expect them to fit... but have extra room.
b) have yet to snag... I can never wear the same pair twice and am unlikely to make it out of my house with out a hole. this morning I lasted 5 minutes in them
c) would like to not have to struggle to keep my balance when putting them on... someone could video tape me and sell it to funniest home video.... I look like a circus freak!
That same man probably also invented the underwire bra, the corset and the girdle... that man is evil!
Monday, March 27, 2006
wide awake
a few things I realized because of last weeks events:
~EVERYONE needs to stop smoking. It's a major cause of stroke, lung and heart disease and probably a large factor in regards to my father having a stroke. I don't want anyone else to go through this.
~I have some really great friends who care about what is going on with me. I was suppose to hang out with two of them Sat night but just couldn't do it. I have had stomach issues all week because the stress and I was in a major anti social mood. I have snapped out of it.
~I am awake now. I will not be 66 years old suffering an illness and wishing I had lived my dreams. I may be 39, but I know exactly what that dream is now and I am going to fulfill it. My father wanted to be a song writer but never lived his dreams. It's not too late and when he is better I am going to remind him of it. I am also now going to be extremely selfish with my time. No more additional projects. The focus is on me and my work. No one else can do it for me.
~I am a writer because of my father. My father is an incredible story teller. So am I and it is something I inherited from him.
~Live my life with no regrets and enjoy it!
~EVERYONE needs to stop smoking. It's a major cause of stroke, lung and heart disease and probably a large factor in regards to my father having a stroke. I don't want anyone else to go through this.
~I have some really great friends who care about what is going on with me. I was suppose to hang out with two of them Sat night but just couldn't do it. I have had stomach issues all week because the stress and I was in a major anti social mood. I have snapped out of it.
~I am awake now. I will not be 66 years old suffering an illness and wishing I had lived my dreams. I may be 39, but I know exactly what that dream is now and I am going to fulfill it. My father wanted to be a song writer but never lived his dreams. It's not too late and when he is better I am going to remind him of it. I am also now going to be extremely selfish with my time. No more additional projects. The focus is on me and my work. No one else can do it for me.
~I am a writer because of my father. My father is an incredible story teller. So am I and it is something I inherited from him.
~Live my life with no regrets and enjoy it!
Friday, March 24, 2006
week from hell....
...didn't get a couple of grants we applied for... the system is so screwed up... some flying squirrels having sex got the grants instead.
... then my dog have formed bumps in two locations he received injections (rabies, kennel cough) but this is something I was warned might happen... me being paranoid I am worried about him... but he seems fine...
... my dad was rushed to the hospital with severe head pain... they don't know what's wrong... after many tests still don't.
a good friend told me the universe is testing me.. It tests me on a regular basis and I wish it would stop... I think I've passed already...
... then my dog have formed bumps in two locations he received injections (rabies, kennel cough) but this is something I was warned might happen... me being paranoid I am worried about him... but he seems fine...
... my dad was rushed to the hospital with severe head pain... they don't know what's wrong... after many tests still don't.
a good friend told me the universe is testing me.. It tests me on a regular basis and I wish it would stop... I think I've passed already...
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
riddle
Here is a riddle for you. Answer below.
How do you get money to publish something, but you have to publish it before you can have the money?
Answer: become a flying squirrel
How do you get money to publish something, but you have to publish it before you can have the money?
Answer: become a flying squirrel
Monday, March 20, 2006
spring is in the... the what?????????
today if officially the first day of spring... the kind that comes with a windchill...
no shadow my ass!
am going to hunt me an albino groundhog...
no shadow my ass!
am going to hunt me an albino groundhog...
Friday, March 17, 2006
slowly losing my mind...
wow! what the hell is wrong with my brain. i know it is quite full these days and i do stress about trying to get everything i need to get done done. i don't sleep well and am sure that is effecting my short term memory. this morning was a wake up call though. i forgot to lock my front door. i know i had keys in hand.. i remember putting them back in my bag... but i didn't actually use them.
something has got to give. though i have removed a few things from my plate, several other things need to go. i can't even remember to do something as important as lock my front door. what's next... am I going to leave the gas stove on... thing is, I am an chronic insomniac. the only solution according to doctors at this point is medication... which i refuse to take... there needs to be other alternatives... otherwise... this morning scared me...
i know that going forward i can no longer take on other projects. i have to stick to the website and writing only... i continually get request to do this and that and have been saying no... but i have to start saying no to them all... they ask because they know they can count on me to come through for them.. but i think it is time for me to become extremely selfish with my time...
... before i lose anymore of it...
something has got to give. though i have removed a few things from my plate, several other things need to go. i can't even remember to do something as important as lock my front door. what's next... am I going to leave the gas stove on... thing is, I am an chronic insomniac. the only solution according to doctors at this point is medication... which i refuse to take... there needs to be other alternatives... otherwise... this morning scared me...
i know that going forward i can no longer take on other projects. i have to stick to the website and writing only... i continually get request to do this and that and have been saying no... but i have to start saying no to them all... they ask because they know they can count on me to come through for them.. but i think it is time for me to become extremely selfish with my time...
... before i lose anymore of it...
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
winter... spring... winter.. spr.. what the f...
7 days till it is officially spring... someone needs to tell the weather that....
Monday, March 13, 2006
40 days and 40...
40 days and 40...
ok... it's raining.. I hate rain and snow.. but at least rain means spring is on the way... and it is washing away the left over snow and all the dirt it left behind... I just didn't appreciate the torrential down pour I had to endure during my ten minute walk to the subway... that's all.
this weekends weather, especially yesterday was so glorious.. it made me want to break out the patio furniture and oh how I wanted to BBQ... For the last two weeks I have been aching to go to the island and spend the day walking around, dreaming about the journey on the ferry were I would feel the breeze brushing past my ears and making my hair dance. the smell of the water... I can't wait for it to be warm enough for me to do these things...
winter was short this year.. but never short enough for me....
ok... it's raining.. I hate rain and snow.. but at least rain means spring is on the way... and it is washing away the left over snow and all the dirt it left behind... I just didn't appreciate the torrential down pour I had to endure during my ten minute walk to the subway... that's all.
this weekends weather, especially yesterday was so glorious.. it made me want to break out the patio furniture and oh how I wanted to BBQ... For the last two weeks I have been aching to go to the island and spend the day walking around, dreaming about the journey on the ferry were I would feel the breeze brushing past my ears and making my hair dance. the smell of the water... I can't wait for it to be warm enough for me to do these things...
winter was short this year.. but never short enough for me....
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
sleepless nights and unusual visions....
the weird dreams are back... weirder than ever... am not sure how to write this one so please bare with me.
I am in an old hall. The kind you would hold a reception in (there are panelled walls and lots of wooden furniture). I am standing beside a large rectangular table and piles of papers are on it. I appear to be working on something. A co-worker who is about to leave the company (quit), comes in and asks if I am done yet and is being very friendly, which I find odd as normally he would have nothing to do with me. I say yes I am and start to tidy up the piles. Three teenage girls come in and start sitting on the table and the piles of paper.
I am a bit frustrated with their impatience and tell them they will have to wait, as I am leaving and just cleaning up and they can have the table when I am done. We all notice a standing ornanament box sitting on the table. It seems antique, one of the girls peer into the windows of the box and asks who it belongs to. I say that I am not sure, it doesn't belong to me. She replies, "Good, they are ugly." I take a look at what she is referring to and the box is filled with very small figurines of very tall and stick like people. I shrug my shoulders and grab two little brass cups (that look like upside down bells with etching on them) off the top of the box and as I put them in my bag they make a tinging noise. The same girl says, I though that stuff wasn't yours. I reply, "oh the box isn't but these are." She then asks me what they are for and I say, "they are ceremonial."
I am not done packing several very large and heavy black bags with all the paper and am about ready to leave. My co-worker says are you done and I say I am. He then leaves without offering to help me carry the bags. I load them up, without reaction to this and leave the building.
end of dream...
I am in an old hall. The kind you would hold a reception in (there are panelled walls and lots of wooden furniture). I am standing beside a large rectangular table and piles of papers are on it. I appear to be working on something. A co-worker who is about to leave the company (quit), comes in and asks if I am done yet and is being very friendly, which I find odd as normally he would have nothing to do with me. I say yes I am and start to tidy up the piles. Three teenage girls come in and start sitting on the table and the piles of paper.
I am a bit frustrated with their impatience and tell them they will have to wait, as I am leaving and just cleaning up and they can have the table when I am done. We all notice a standing ornanament box sitting on the table. It seems antique, one of the girls peer into the windows of the box and asks who it belongs to. I say that I am not sure, it doesn't belong to me. She replies, "Good, they are ugly." I take a look at what she is referring to and the box is filled with very small figurines of very tall and stick like people. I shrug my shoulders and grab two little brass cups (that look like upside down bells with etching on them) off the top of the box and as I put them in my bag they make a tinging noise. The same girl says, I though that stuff wasn't yours. I reply, "oh the box isn't but these are." She then asks me what they are for and I say, "they are ceremonial."
I am not done packing several very large and heavy black bags with all the paper and am about ready to leave. My co-worker says are you done and I say I am. He then leaves without offering to help me carry the bags. I load them up, without reaction to this and leave the building.
end of dream...
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
Monday, March 06, 2006
I need to get out of my basement.
I need to get out of my basement. Really, I mean that literally. In case you are wondering no I am not a troll... though some days.... you see my office is down there... I was down there till quite late last night, working, writing, wondering what it would be like if I was able to do it full time... during the day, so I would have my evenings free.
This need to get out of my basement walloped me some time after midnight last night. I had finally emerged, sat in front theTV for 15 minutes and caught the last half of Sex In the City. The Ep where Carrie gets to be a model in a fashion show and falls down during her strut along the runway. Seeing this made me realize a few things.
~the whole getting out the basement thing - because I spend so much time down there I missed out on a very entertaining show (Sex In the City), and only realized it after it has already been cancelled. What else am I missing out on.
~If a show like Sex In the City can make it on HBO (and when I say that I mean, a show about a bunch of women who are smart and interesting and funny, where the women have the power... take a look around, these kinds of shows are rare) so can something I've created.
~I'm really not working hard enough, I need to fast track my books and get them to the point where a publisher will love them... which means I won't be getting out of the basement anytime soon... but when I do, it will all be worth it...
~how even more disgusted I am in the entertainment world... there is no original anything anymore. I refuse to go to the movies because of it and have little interest in televison as well. I purposely didn't watch the Oscars for those reasons. Though I was happy when Philip Seymour Hoffman won for best actor. It was well deserved. Oh wait... another reason I can't come out of my basement... I need to help Hollywood solve it's problem.
Well.. at least I can't get a sunburn down there.
This need to get out of my basement walloped me some time after midnight last night. I had finally emerged, sat in front theTV for 15 minutes and caught the last half of Sex In the City. The Ep where Carrie gets to be a model in a fashion show and falls down during her strut along the runway. Seeing this made me realize a few things.
~the whole getting out the basement thing - because I spend so much time down there I missed out on a very entertaining show (Sex In the City), and only realized it after it has already been cancelled. What else am I missing out on.
~If a show like Sex In the City can make it on HBO (and when I say that I mean, a show about a bunch of women who are smart and interesting and funny, where the women have the power... take a look around, these kinds of shows are rare) so can something I've created.
~I'm really not working hard enough, I need to fast track my books and get them to the point where a publisher will love them... which means I won't be getting out of the basement anytime soon... but when I do, it will all be worth it...
~how even more disgusted I am in the entertainment world... there is no original anything anymore. I refuse to go to the movies because of it and have little interest in televison as well. I purposely didn't watch the Oscars for those reasons. Though I was happy when Philip Seymour Hoffman won for best actor. It was well deserved. Oh wait... another reason I can't come out of my basement... I need to help Hollywood solve it's problem.
Well.. at least I can't get a sunburn down there.
Thursday, March 02, 2006
pamper me baby
tonight, i was pampered... that's right I had a facial! my girl denise is starting out with her own esthetics business at the rejuvenation room downtown Toronto. her products are all natural and she makes you feel right at home!!! I have already booked a pedi!!! she can be contacted at daylilyethetics@gmail.com.
then prior to that I had the day from hell... someone please drop a large amount of cash on my lap so i can do shebytches and write full time!!!
c
then prior to that I had the day from hell... someone please drop a large amount of cash on my lap so i can do shebytches and write full time!!!
c
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
new toys and shiney things
Ah... the beauty of a new computer... though the money I put towards my new iBook should have paid off some of the credit card... I well decided to splurge on me!!! I have had my other mac... a powerbook for 6.5 years. I finally got to a point where I couldn't upgrade it any longer and it was time for a newer model.
I was a like child last night on Christmas morning anxious to get my new toy, to get home and set it up. I was up till one am playing with it. Setting up the internet, adding my perifials, then came time to install my software. I use Dreamweaver, photoshop, illustrator, office and quark... guess what I found out... you can't install any software for os 9 on an os X machine. NONE OF IT!!!
What to do! What to do!!! I was able to solve my Office problem. Turns out you can save your work in Apple works as a word file. Whew!!! Now for the other 4. I will figure it out. I always do. In the meantime, my older baby can still do the work. Tonight I now need to go home and re arrange my desk to suit two laptops... will actually look kinda cool... like a real office...
Now I sit anxiously awaiting 5 pm so I can go home and play... play... PLAY!!!
I was a like child last night on Christmas morning anxious to get my new toy, to get home and set it up. I was up till one am playing with it. Setting up the internet, adding my perifials, then came time to install my software. I use Dreamweaver, photoshop, illustrator, office and quark... guess what I found out... you can't install any software for os 9 on an os X machine. NONE OF IT!!!
What to do! What to do!!! I was able to solve my Office problem. Turns out you can save your work in Apple works as a word file. Whew!!! Now for the other 4. I will figure it out. I always do. In the meantime, my older baby can still do the work. Tonight I now need to go home and re arrange my desk to suit two laptops... will actually look kinda cool... like a real office...
Now I sit anxiously awaiting 5 pm so I can go home and play... play... PLAY!!!
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