the countdown....

19 hours till freedom

the addiction begins........

oh gawd! the addiction begins........

last night there was this horrible movie on... a made for TV from the 90's with Kim Delany....... she was a wheelchair bound famous author, whose first book became the obsession of a serial killer........ he was caught..... new book comes out..... new serial killer... yada yada yada....... I actually watched it to the end because I needed to know who did it! What's even worse is the person I was watching it with only started watching 20 minutes before the movie ended and also had to see how it ended...........

Then this morning........ I turned breakfast television on as soon as I got up to 'check the weather'

I'm afraid to go home tonight........... there might be only static and voices calling to me...................

this is going to become a problem... isn't it............

I am clearly weak..

cable TV egaads!

Thank you Mr. and Mrs. Simopolous

Mr. and Mrs. Simopolous gave me their extra TV.... you guys are awesome! The Dr. helped me retrieve it from their place... you are beyond awesome!

Now what the hell do I do with it??? I don't have a DVD player yet. I have an old laptop I can use in the meantime to watch DVD's but can't find my video cable. Hopefully I can come up with a solution for that. Then I can at least watch movies. That was the entire point of a TV for me. I don't want cable... the only channel I miss is the Scream Network... but unfortunatetly I can't just order that channel... bah humbug... so.........

I stare at it... no it's not actually on when I do this... but I still stare at it...

play it again....

I'm fasting again....... the last one was in April. I would have nomally done another one in August but life was nuts....

I am having mad food cravings and am peeing ALOT!!!!!!!! I am thinking about just moving into the bathroom..........

My favourite new website

http://www.angryalien.com/

The next Master Cleanse Fast

hey all, from November 1 to 10 we are going to do our next Master Cleanse and blog about it. If you are interested let us know. We are going to blog over at http://thechurchofthin.blogspot.com/. If you want to join in the group blog for the cleanse email me @ shebytches@gmail.com

Getting there...

Wow! September has been insane!!!!! October isn't looking any less crazy. Summarizing what happened in September.

I moved!!! Ok... that is a huge story in itself.... Was suppose to move Sept 1, but couldn't because the former tenants left the place in such a disgusting state that I couldn't move till painting and the floors were done. I finally moved on the 6th. I am blessed to have such amazing friends. Carole showed up with a buggy full of accessories and cleaning supplies. My bathroom was spotless!!! What an amazing woman she is! Sarrah and David showed up ready to move furniture. Anna moved my stuff from her apartment to mine. Prior to that my parents and brother BJ helped me move my stuff to the building. Because my apartment wasn't ready I had to put it in a spare apartment till then. Once I was moved in I had boxes to unpack and furniture to assemble. Dr. B built my computer desk for me. Otherwise... I'd be typing this on the floor!

There is still lots to be done. I still have to put up my curtain rods, and actually buy curtains. Ikea here I come. I still have some painting and fixing to do, the walls are bare and need pictures and art, but it looks FAB as is. It's comfy, and it screams me! I also have that red couch I've wanted all my life!!!

Home Sweet Home!

That's not where it ends. I sold my house. It was remarkable. One day on the market, 3 offers and got above asking! I was both shocked and very happy with the end results. Now I need to start looking for a condo!

Next up is Sarrah and David's Buck and Doe. One major thing of the list is I FINALLY got my dress!!! Sarrah's Mother in Law is also very relieved!

October.... people come on. It's the month of Halloween!!! And Sarrah and David's wedding!

this cat has a weird obsession with me.....

Anna's male cat Limey... has this weird obsession with me. It started with him constantly staring at me, jumping up as soon as I am my laptop and insisting on laying across my keyboard. It seems we have progressed from that to him emulating what I'm doing on my key board (ie pushing the enter pad and then looking at me saying ha!), to waking me up at three in the morning.

For the past few weeks, he has become more aggressive. It started with crawling into bed with me in the evening and simply purring and staring at me. Occasionally he would put his bum in my face. About a week and a half ago, he started laying down with me, purring and tapping my face to get my attention. I would rub his belly for a while and then this appeared to satisfy him and he would wander off... Now he does this plus is waking me up at three in the morning.

Limey will start off by loudly purring, staring and slobbering on you. When that doesn't work he will softly touch your face with his paw, rub his face against yours or as he started doing last night, licking my nose. When that doesn't work the tapping on the face gets a bit more aggressive with him flexing his claws. I try so incredibly hard to pretend I am still asleep, but... it doesn't work.. I end up waking up in a fit of giggles. Of course, once this happens I am duty bound to rub his belly for no less than an half hour. After that he falls asleep.

The way I see it... if Limey was a man, he would be a sexoholic. We call him the cat whore.. and lately he has been living up to his name.

A day off from the world...

Today I took a day off from the world... I had a hellish day yesterday...

It started when I got off the bus at Bathurst/Bloor and was once again the victim to the verbal barrage of a homeless man... I wouldn't give him money and as I walked away he started to call me names I haven't heard in a while. Me with my temper lashed back at him. Once again no one standing around did anything... rather stared at the situation as if it was entertainment. Playing in traffic would have been a better risk....

Not sure if there was something in the air...

Work wasn't any better.. people snapping at me for no reason... I'd had enough by lunch time. But being the stubborn one... stuck around till the end of the day.

Mid afternoon the oddities of my day continued. I received an email from someone I haven't heard from in over a year and a half... out of the blue... hey how are you?

Then the nightmares started last night. One of them I vividly remember.... a la Night of the Living Dead. Everyone I know is trapped in a farmhouse... as we are about to be attacked with zombies. I am sitting in corner observing what is going on. The chaos, confusion, tears, fighting. No one is organized and everyone wants to be the boss. Finally I've had enough and stand up and start pushing people over and barking out orders.

YOU find bottles, kerosene and rags
YOU go find weapons and amo
YOU start boarding up the doors and window
YOU do this... YOU do that...

Everyone is standing and staring at me. Then at the top of my lungs I yell NOW!!! Everyone starts to move, doing everything I say. Then a car pulls up as darkness approaches... they are being chased by zombies. No one wants to let them in. I can't let helpless people be killed so I rush out and help them get into the house and to safety... then I wake up.

I have nightmares like this once in a while. They are meant as messages. This one is screaming I need to take back control of my life, start being brave again. Or as Anna put it last night... need to start growing back my mane... somewhere along the line... it got singed...

A Jon Cusack Moment

Last night I watched two Jon Cusack movies, Better off Dead and Grosse Point Blank. I use to have a mad crush on him, but what girl didn't? That's not the point I'm working towards though. It seems that every Jon Cusack movie I watch has a hidden question. And it always seems to be the same one. Jon's character usually falls for someone and he usually has trouble telling that person how he really feels. Then eventually goes over board.

Have you ever completely connected with someone, but you don't say anything, because you aren't sure if the other person has these feelings as well or afraid the answer might not be what you want to hear? It seems that when we feel that type of connection for someone and if there is even a small amount of uncertainty, we become little turtles and hide in our shells.

There is a scene in the movie where Jon is too terrified to do something and is about to take the easy way out, but one of his friends tells him to 'Buck up little buddy, buck up.' Why is it so hard for us to buck up... and so easy to retreat to our shells? The problem is we all sit around waiting for the other person to buck up. Eventually someone has too... what happens when you are impatient, like me. I hate waiting games, hate puzzles, hate not knowing. I start to squirm. Yet am too stubborn to be the one to buck up.

Mental Day

Today I didn't go to work. I had a bit of a rough night. Not sleeping and getting down on myself about a million things. I do that sometimes. I woke up this morning exhausted and knew I needed a day to sit and stay quiet. The quieter I got the more I couldn't quiet my mind. All I could hear was grandma Betty's voice, over and over saying, in her thick scottish accent 'Why do you care what they think. It's not important.' Then laughing her loving, the world is ok laugh. It didn't matter how bad things were, she always had that laugh.

I wish I could laugh right now. I also wish I could give that old broad a hug. I crave the smell of chantilly and cookies. I miss her! If I got into a funk she could always pull me out.

colour me confused....

these last two days have been.... odd... am confused... and now pissed off....

~big changes
~someone did something to me today that was completely disrespectful... the least they could have done was wait till I wasn't around... I don't understand why it was necessary.
~the more that has been happening the more I need to leave this city... nothing is keeping me here... especially after what happened the last two days. if given a good reason I would stay...
~words and actions.... mixed messages...confusion... I don't get the humans....
~I have to start using my head... and not my heart.... and listen to my gut.... I will stay out of trouble that way...
~am tired of being taken advantage of....

What is wrong with the people in this city?

What is wrong with the people in this city?

Really! What the hell is wrong with people. This morning I stopped to help a woman in distress. She was biking along and somehow her shoelace got caught in her pedal and gears... when this happened she wiped out and got tangled up in her bike. At least half a dozen men saw what happened and walked right by her. They looked at her and did NOTHING! Similarily on my birthday I was being harrassed verbally and followed my a homeless man. Twice I had to yell at him to leave me alone or I was calling the cops and NO ONE, asked if I need help. I had to finally go into a coffee shop and was about to call the police when I then got into it with a man in the shop who said to me 'oh by the poor guy a coffee already'. I had it out with him as well. He assumed I was the problem. The people around me looked at me like I was the crazy one. I'm afraid to know what would have happened had he assaulted me. Am sure no one would have helped then either.

I am so tired of the shitty men of this city. The way they treat women is disgusting. I know there are a few good ones out there... but considering how many bad ones!!! And not that men are going to be any less shitty in another city, It is time for my next big change. I need to move out of this city. I've been thinking about it for a while and I think the time is getting near. Nothing is keeping me here. I do have some realestate to sell and some debt to pay off once the sale is complete. And it seems the Gods are sending me messages left right and centre as my job may also become obsolete soon. The time is near for me to make my big break. I am strongly considering either Montreal or New York City. I've had a strong desire to live in both places. As for Montreal, my cousin lives there so I wouldn't be completely on my own. Living in New York would be a dream for me. So once I have all my financial stuff taken care of and after my trip to Scotland, I need to start working on a plan to move in 2008.

As you can tell it's been a rough morning. It has been since I woke this morning. I have something weighing on my that I need to deal with. I need to speak up about something, but am having a hard time. Unless I get angry I can't express what I feel and am having issues with that right now. I know I need to just come out and say what I want to say but to avoid disappointment or possible hurt... I keep it bottled up. I let it eat away at me and put on that 'oh everything is just fine' face. It seems the only person on the face of the earth that get's past that is Anna... She keeps telling me to just do something or say something and get it over with and deal. I think it's time to take the really big leap of faith. Hopefully I land on my feet... and not my ass.

I fell down.......

I realized last night, everything is going to be ok. I fell down, had noodle soup on the hottest day of the year and drank lychee martini's. (In case you are wondering, I fell down first). My girl friend laughed at me when I gell down, but then again... I laughed at myself. Something happened at that very moment though. That moment made me realize, I'm going to be ok.

Oh wait, maybe I should back it up a bit. It's been a while since I've blogged, so am sure many of you are wondering what the hell I meant by that. Recently there has been a major life change happening for me... I'm not ready to talk about just yet. Stay tuned as down the road I will. I'm not ill or anything like that, but due to this change there is has been upheaval, emotional moments, panic, stress and so on. Through all of this... no matter how unbearable, there have been my girlfriends waiting to hug me, wipe my tears, feed me, give me shelter and hand me booze.

It's true what they say about finding out who your real friends are. When crisis happens, you see who is by your side and who runs away. I've always been a loner, choosing to sit in front of my computer writing rather than hang out with friends... or so I would make it seem. Making this change has not only made me come to terms with the things I was doing, it has also made me realize just how big my circle of friends is and I can tell you, it's quite massive.

No one even flinched when I asked for help. No one, I have friends and relatives coming out of the woodwork. I can't even explain to you how grateful I am for each and every one of them. My biggest piece of advice to all the women reading this. Hold all of your girlfriends dear to you close, trust me, they are the ones that are going to be ready to help you and if necessary do battle. They are the ones you need to ensure you keep for life.

I love each and everyone of you!!!

changes...

changes....

new friend

old friend

no longer waiting for the big drop



fates at work

third time the charm

the river is flowing my way



new decisions

just a coincidence

excitement and purpose



new chance

different choice

deeper meaning



is this a beginning

or a conclusion

always an adventure

I feel ill!!!!!!!!!!

I found this on Sarah's blog. I started reading it thinking it was about the TB case. It was worse.. much worse. Here is the link to the story. We need to make this stop.

http://www.canada.com/montrealgazette/news/story.html?id=0010ae9f-d017-444f-8bb8-3b69dedf7528

Write or email them and voice out. I am. How can the do this to animals. As soon as I saw it was Beagles, I started to well up. I grew up with Beagles and they are the sweetest, gentle, loveable dogs. They have big brown eyes and floppy ears and all they want to do is love you. How can anyone harm a beagle or any other creature. Shame on Air Canada!!!!!

Write them now!

Air Canada - Customer Relations
PO Box 64239,
5512 4th Street, NW
Calgary, AB, Canada
T2K 6J0

or email them

https://aircanadacustomercare-en.custhelp.com/cgi-bin/aircanadacustomercare_en.cfg/php/enduser/ask.php?p_sid=yyWLDTCi

that explains alot...

I just realized it's a full moon out tonight... that just helped explain a tonne.... I get it now!

is anyone home...

sometimes I wonder. I've been a bad blogger, but it's been very busy! Am writing my ass off... when am I not.

am struggling with the humans again it seems. I tire of them. a few rules that will help you get along with me

don't be inconsiderate
don't stand me up. I have a cell phone call me if you aren't showing up
don't take me for granted
if you aren't interested I'd rather you tell me rather than ignore me
don't be rude, it's not acceptable
don't disrespect me, you have to earn my respect and you have to work to keep it

see why I am having issues with the humans...

sigh

one huge disappointment after another it seems...

time to get on with it... except I seem to be stuck in neutral...

can someone give me a shove?